Hi all, I’m pleased to share this guest post from Kelly Jenson (another Kelly!), who writes about self-improvement and self-care. Here, she shares her thoughts on how to build back confidence after a relationship ends. We hope this is helpful if you are going through a breakup right now, especially during the holidays when it’s especially rough. Here’s her advice…
Break-ups are a tough thing to deal with, especially when you’ve been in a relationship with the same person for a long time. There’s a comfort that comes with being with the same person for so long— comfort in the way you look and comfort in knowing that you have a source of unconditional love and affection— that you likely never want to give up. But once you lose that, it can be difficult for you to regain the confidence and self-esteem you had before your relationship. The key to regaining that self-assurance is to find it in yourself. But how do you do that when you’re not sure where to start?
Spend Time With Yourself
You’ve probably noticed that you have more free time on your hands. Instead of trying to find someone else to spend that extra time with, enjoy spending it by yourself. Long-term relationships train your brain to start thinking in terms of “we,” but it’s important for you to retrain it to start thinking in terms of “me.” Look for activities that help you reconnect with your inner self, like joining a yoga class, keeping a journal, or taking yourself on dates, and other things where you’re tending to your wants and needs. No matter what you decide, learn to love spending time with yourself. That way, when you’re ready to start dating again you will already have a solid foundation of love from yourself that you won’t need it from someone else.
Start Your Glow Up
We’re not kidding when we say change up your look for a boost to your confidence! Even a hairstyle change can really make you feel good about yourself. It’s easy to let ourselves go a little when we’re in a long-term relationship— maybe you haven’t found a reason to see a hairstylist in a long time, you’ve stopped taking the time to do your makeup because they loved seeing your natural beauty, or you’ve gained a little extra weight after all those nights of staying in and getting take out. This is exactly why a break-up is a great motivator to start taking care of yourself again.
Take the time to research how to best take care of your body, like going to a hair salon to find the perfect cut for your face shape, watching YouTube to finally learn how to contour, or joining a helpful weight loss program that teaches you how to make healthier eating choices. Simply knowing that you put in the effort to look good for the day can boost your confidence, make you walk a little taller, and put a pep in your step!
Compliment Yourself
One of the worst parts about losing a long-term relationship is that you can no longer relay on your significant other for a compliment. Instead of trying to find that confidence boost from someone else, learn to give it to yourself. Affirmations are powerful, and it’s been scientifically proven that self-talk affects your self-image. This is why it’s so important to replace that negative voice in your head with a positive one.
A great place to start is to verbally give yourself one compliment every day, even when you’re not really feeling it. These compliments don’t only have to be about your appearance, either! If you did something nice for someone today, tell yourself how kind you are. If you had a great presentation at work, give yourself a pat on the back. If you got the final question on Jeopardy right, tell yourself how smart you are. Eventually, your brain will accept these words as the truth, and you will be overflowing with self-confidence.
Surround Yourself With People Who Love You
If finding nice things to say about yourself isn’t a strong suit of yours, then surround yourself with people who can do it for you. Your friends and family are perfect for reminding you of your worth when you’re not quite able to do it for yourself, and it’s always nice to hear from someone else why they enjoy spending time with you. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask to spend time with them if you’re feeling lonely or if you’re in need of a little companionship, and use their love as a guide to help you learn how to love yourself.
About Kelly Jenson
Kelly is a copywriter who loves to give tips on all things dating and self-improvement. She now lives happily with her husband in a little-known city in the state of New York where she’s known to give the best advice in town.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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